Reason to off yourself #8

You cheer for Ben Roethlisberger because you share the same love, rape.

Reason to off yourself #105

Jeff Dunham is your favorite comedian because he is so funny and not politically correct.

Reason to off yourself #9

You thought that the only thing better than the premiere of "2 Broke Girls" was the fucking premiere of "2 And a Half Men". Life has new meaning now!

Reason to off yourself #20

Your body is a vessel for cheese and cheese product storage. This is, however, hard to prove.

Reason to off yourself #2

Your most meaningful conversations during the week are with your apathetic spouse about traffic and that bitch/dick coworker/boss of yours. At least there is football on the weekends now.

Reason to off yourself #69

You have run out of lies to tell that reflection in the mirror. sorry.

Reason to off yourself #18

After the store clerk tells you that they are all out of Kraft Mac N Cheese you yell, "I don't even fucking care!".

Reason to off yourself #41

Rape just doesn't do it for you anymore.

Reason to off yourself #1

You awake from a pain pill induced coma to find yourself in only underwear and Fox News on the TV.

Reason to off yourself #13

You haven't filled the void left in your useless "heart" after Friends wasn't renewed for a 23rd season.

Reason to off yourself #4

You Threaten an ex-girlfriend from 3000 miles away.

Reason to off yourself #5

Tyler Perry is a great role model, very funny person, and a pretty cute man.